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Irreplaceable

Be Irreplaceable.

I just saw these words flash across the TV screen and I think to myself oh God how do you do that!!

Tears run down my face & every ending of a relationship runs swiftly through my head. How does one accomplish irreplaceability in ones life from love to career. How does that get on your list of accomplishments. I mean is that something you put on your vision board, is there 10 step plan, is there a lecture I can listen to, is there a book I can read, is there a seminar or conference I can attend, is there DVD/CD series I can buy, dies it come packaged in a box, can I go to Macy’s and buy it, does it come in a bottle, can it be found next to the fountain of youth in the middle of the garden of Eden, is it just a figment of ones imagination, is it only set a side for those who are special or maybe there is a irreplaceable gene people get when they’re born.

I’m no stranger to heartache we’ve become fairly aquatinted, more than I ever really wanted. Lately it’s the only consistent thing in my life and I’m not sure how to break away from it. I give, I love, & I try to be a good friend, but heartache still beckons to be my friend.

Be Irreplaceable………… I’m still laughing to myself about that statement. I ask again how do I get to be irreplaceable?

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Infinite

The beginning and the end of my day start the same

With an English/Nigerian accent

with a warm greeting & encouraging words

thoughts about business

we share the events of the day

then good morning or good night

we shall talk later

infinite

 

 

Morning poem #1

Interrupted slumber
Several times during the night
My thoughts of you wake me
So I must call you
Unanswered calls
Sent straight to voicemail
Disappointment sets in
No effort goes unnoticed
Orders to fulfill
The sun penetrates my blinds
Rays of sunshine on my face
Time to get up and start today’s race
FB check
Email check
Text msg check
Nothing from you check
Kanye shrug
The day will continue

Untitled – 11

You intrigue me
Your brown eyes look deep into me
Past my fears and the walls I put up to hide my heart
I want to trust you, but my own thoughts fight against
Each other putting my heart against my mind, I don’t
Want to waste your time and hold off on
The meeting of two that happens to be me and you
meet on false Evidence Appearing as Real better known
To most as FEAR. You invade my thoughts daily and you
Intercept my dreams slowly working your way into my
Subconscious mind so without effort I think of you
It’s you I want to know this gentle hearted smart mouth
That I now call my friend I need to be closer to you and
I can’t wait to spend hours with you talking and laughing
Cuddling and maybe some loving that day can’t come soon
Enough

Untitled – 10

Love me now or don’t love me at all
time is constantly moving there’s no time to stall
you moved when I stumbled when you were supposed to break my fall
trust was the framing of the house you destroyed that you said we built on love
now you leave me exposed un-covered and no protection from my SUN
so, now it’s time for me to pick up the pieces and travel this lonely road of recovery
where I find shards of honey scattered along the way enough to sweeten the day
enough to continue my way back to me
the me I lost when I gave me to you
the me that I was always supposed to be
the me you met before there was an us
yeah that’s right you know her she’s the me the way the most high God created me to be

I Imagine…………

I imagine my husband the one to who all my love will go without hesitation
I imagine you upright, standing tall and Square, respected and Noble
I imagine your voice deep and soothing whispering sweet somethings in my ear to replace the empty nothings whispered by those of before
I imagine you supporting my wildest dreams and thoughts to better our life and even the world.
I imagine you investing in our future, building up our legacy
I imagine you traveling the world with me and I with you wherever you are there I will be
I imagine you humbly worshiping the most high, giving praises, sacrifices and praying with me
I imagine you as the head, my king and I your queen in perfect submission one to another
I imaging you chasing after Gods heart & dancing like David, with the wisdom of Solomon and the God given strength of the Nazarite Samson.
I imagine you loving me unconditionally attitude and all, correcting me when I’m wrong and showing me another viewpoint to right my wrongs
I imagine me trusting you and you trusting me, your deepest fears and secrets are safe with me like Alicia Keys my heart will be the pages of your diary, with you I’m vulnerable and subject to your will.
I imagine you here so close I can feel you breath condensate on my nose
I imagine your touch strong and gentle, slow and wandering, surges of energy transferring from your hands to my body
I imagine a love imaginable defying the logic of scholars, leaving haters to ponder, jaw dropping love that no man can put asunder
I imagine you in my now, even though you’re really in my future, so until then I walk around eyes wide shut until you are here, I expect you, I anticipate you, and I wait for you

Reciprosity

reciprocity was never a priority for you I see
it was you always get yours and I never get mine
then oh my I got sumthin else to do so look at the time

It was supposed to be ours but its was always about yours
and never mine nor did you ever have the time to see fit
what I laid out for you at the dinner table please sit

down awhile let me tell you about my day but I’m
remind again this is not about me but you &
there will never be a we just him and she & her
but never with thee because

reciprocity was never a priority for you I see

It’s Not You – Part 2

I know its not you

and I’m ok with that

because every time we talk 95% of your
conversation is about how you would like
to have me on the tip of your tongue.

No matter how much I detest you continue
to insist on how much you know I want you
When in actuallity I really could care less

A beautiful mind you have but its slowly
going to the wasteland of nothingness
based on the trash that you always talk

Another wasted conversation with a man
who has potential to rule the world yet
loves banter about sex more than my mind

See I’m looking for a deeper connection
someone who can make love to my mind before
then make mention to the curves of my body

I need someone who can talk about the events
of the world more than how bad they would like
to rock my world. such a shallow black man

Yeah I’m pretty sure its not you

and I’m ok with that…..

let the search continue

Its Not You

I know its not you

and I’m ok with that

yeah I tried to hang on and on and on and on
but I’ve decieded to let go of this invisible
rope called your love & go on with my life.

Too many internet boo’s have hit my inbox
with the same tired lines you’ve said to me.

Too many lies for no reason at all & too
many excuses to continue to put my heart on
the line all for a man with nothing

Nothing to enhance my life, nothing to make
me smile, nothing to offer me security, Nothing
but grief and lies.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways
so with that being said let me steer clear of
your way and turn the other direction

I’m going towards the way of love, truth, hope,
charity & faithfulness. Towards the way you lost

Yeah I’m sure its not you

and I’m ok with that

~MoZaic
Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved

&

The day breaks and the sun lights my room
a gentle breeze and the melody of birds singing
whisper good morning in my ear

&

The only thing missing is the subtle touch
of your hand on my skin caressing my thigh
or me laying my head on your chest while
giving you multiple good morning kisses

&

I long for the day I can enjoy your presence
everyday without the threat of you going back
home….. because this home will be our home
together protecting us from the whether & nevers of life

&

One day When the night falls and my day comes to an end
there you will be in the bed next to me talking
about the events of our day sharing the love we
failed to realize we always had from the very 1st day

&

All the insecurites will fade away and all the hurt
will suddenly disapate & the all the years we thought
we lost will be fully restored, the way God intended
It will be like we met all over again for the very 1st time

&

Again and again I will experience the love I always knew
you were capable to give to me & I to you.

 

~MoZaic
Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved