Blog Archives

I give up

I give up

Love has no room for me

I tried it again and it failed

no need to feel for me

its nothing out of the ordinary

So, I’ll just keep it cordial

no need to jump to conclusions

love is nothing but confusion

the most difficult task of all

is finding true love in a world

full of detachment

commitment fear

superficial standards

& unrealistic expectations

I loved I lost I digress

I give up

 

Gone

Gone are the days of loyalty to another
We stay more faithful to inanimate
Objects than real people with hearts

We go after the lust of our flesh
Instead of the God given best
We treat love like an emotion
Written in pencil easily erasable

We ditch honesty for facades
And lies creating piles of mess
Where ever we reside leaving
Residue and fingerprints behind

Gone are the days of endurance
We rather give up than carry on
Settle for convenience instead
Of what we need, a quick fix
No commitment please

How I feel is all that matters
But the truth of what it is
Is never chattered left in
Silence locked behind doors

Never to deal with the real
Not wanting to see the heart
Of the matter, to afraid to
Believe because of what
Other people may banter

Yet we say we want the real
But we stay screaming Eff how
You feel and continue to
Just deal with the falsity
Of the thing that’s real

The Unreality of Loves Reality

It was like heaven on earth when I first met him
In his eyes I saw the universe everything he was, everything he wasn’t
Everything he could be and everything that he wanted to be

I believed in him! his words rang in my hears like a never heard truth, they caressed my eardrums like the soft touch of his hands only to make love to me mentally instead of physically.

It will always be like this, we will always be together are the words he said then he assured me by paying me with verbal checks from his lyrical checkbook, I will never leave you, I will never hurt you are the checks he deposited.

For the first year and a half payments cleared without problem, now we run into the second year and the I will never hurt you checks return “I stood you up”or “I can’t come this weekend”; I will never leave you checks comes back “I can’t do this anymore” All null an void so what am I to do, left to pay the overdraft fees with these hurt feelings of mine .

After a long talk we work things out? Yet, you still do what you do, but you love me right? You said you wouldn’t hurt me again, you never felt the way you feel about me, I’m the only one for you and you’re the only one for me right? Things will be better when we’re married right? So, now I live in the Unreality of the Love I have for you, only it’s the Reality of the Love that I have from you but I choose to believe whats not true.

I tell myself it’s not a big deal he’s my man and if he loved them like he loved me he wouldn’t be here for or with me, he wouldn’t do the things he does for me, he wouldn’t say the things he says to me, he wouldn’t make the promises that he’s made to me. Right?

So, I’m stuck in the reality of loves unreality, under the curse of what I perceived Real love is suppose to be. Caught up in my perception of the relationships of my parents, my brothers, & my peers have or had, which is now my own reality distorted and unreal. Stuck in a cycle of bad relationships living in the Real world of Loves Unreal Reality.