Congratulations

So you’re getting married
Congratulations
Thanks for telling me I guess
I wish you well
Oh is that not the response you were expecting
It’s ok because I normally I would want to
jump and scream and declare my love for you
But it will fall on deaf ears and a closed heart
I use to wonder if it could have been me
But no need to dwell on what could have been
I’ll take what we have now and enjoy that as my sort of kind of friend
I’m done with crying trying to understand why
Why not me
Why was I never good enough
Why wasn’t my love ever good enough for you
So your friendship I’ll maintain
Try to keep the feelings of what was under wraps
Keeping my heart under lock and key
My legs under chastity
So your phallus can never penetrate my body again,
fertilizing my brain with thoughts of you
and awakening the love of before
and I will not be impregnated
With false feelings of love
Only to be disregarded and minimized to a added side benefit
Yet it only benefits you for the moment In time
Yet I’m left with the scraps of your heart you toss to me
and traces of your DNA left in my yoni
That takes months and months to remove
The feelings I can’t seem to control
The love I can’t seem to get rid of
The memories of good times I can’t stop replaying in my mind
The hurtful things you’ve said that I’ve forgave
The gun you pulled and put between my legs with tour hand in the trigger like a fool I forgave
The women you brought in my presence I forgave……….
Now it’s time to forgive myself for allowing myself to be mistreated
for the healing of myself and the piece of mind for myself
I loved you more than words can say
more than science can explain
More than there are stars in the sky
Yet my love wasn’t good enough
My feelings were never important enough
My pain never concerned you enough
My tears never moved you enough
Nonetheless I wish you god speed
I pray blessings for your life
Congratulations once again
Finally I can say it’s the end
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Life

It’s funny how life works sometimes, you want something, you go after it you get it and then you find out that it comes with things you didn’t expect.

So, what do you do with it because you did really want it but you didn’t expect to have to deal with the difficulty & work that came with it.

The easy way out is to discard it or walk away from it but depending on What it is, you may find that abandoning it may be more of an issue than working with it or fixing it.

Then if you decide to try to repair it or work with it there is a place in that moment when you will have to take the time to learn it, study it, & analyze it because you did chose it so you own it in a sense.

It represents what you desire. It represents who you are right now in life. It represents who you are becoming. It represents your visible and hidden flaws in your character. It essentially is you in the form of a person place or thing.

It maybe great to some and crappy to others. It may need improvement or a full make over. It may need restoration. It may need love. It may be it’s best or it may be it’s worst. It can be transformed, it can be healed, it can be destroyed.

Whatever your it is accept it and do with it what needs to be done to the best of your God given ability because It may be the door to your destiny or it can be the life you never thought could be. It could be the end of something so you can begin it. Feed it, nourish it, prune it, burn it, restart it, start it, stop it, work it, give it, relinquish it, take it, receive it, open it, close it, stomp it, beat it, catch it, teach it, love it, live in it, write it, star in it, sang it, scream it, dammit just do it

Unapologetically be whatever, use whatever, love whatever, do whatever, it was meant to be

Before I Slumber 9

Money us the root of all evil
Family + money = problems
No discussion only arguing
Tears shed no sympathy given
Got to make a move
It’s long over due
Spent the day handling business
Discussed my Africa trip
Can’t wait to see my fam
Spent the rest if the day with dad
Old G wisdom given
Background history given
Whipping up werk in the lab
Shea butter is the game
MoZaic is my name
Thoughts of him still fill my head
I need to see my love
I need to kiss his bald head
Let me get this butter done
So it can ship in the morning
Bonsoir world

Morning Poem 11

Awaken by the sun
Checked the time
Oh shoot I overslept
Call off work
I wish you could be here next to me
Talked to my BFF
Made plans for http://www.nzuriwatubeauty.com
Now to try and eat some breakfast
Good day good people

Before I Slumber 8

I love the sound of the rain
The rumble of the thunder
The flash of the lightening
The calmness after the storm
Storms are necessary for the life process of growth.
Without the rain grass doesn’t grow life will wilt away
Without the wind dead leaves can’t blow away old branches can’t break away
Without the lightening there is no charge in your life positive or negative you need both to create a spark……….

Today there was minimal communication through text but communication none the less.
I will accept that for now
I still feel your spirit
I need to hear your voice
It’s late now
I’ve researched
I’ve listened to lectures
I’ve showered
And now I will sleep
Bonsoir mes Amis
Bonne nuit mon roi
Nob nala

Morning Poem 10

It’s early and I’m about to start my day
I miss the morning conversations
I miss the sound of your voice
I’m trying to move on but it’s hard
It’s going to be a busy day at work
I just hope it goes quick
Fast moving
Heart beats
Nothing left to speak

Before I Slumber 7

I had a pretty good day
spent time building
on today’s mathematics
Equality
Spent some time with friends
came home and talked to my cousin
received a reading about love
the message said to let it go
but I don’t want to lol
I know the time is now
I know its probably over
I know it ended before it started
I know it wasn’t my fault
I know yeah I know
It doesn’t change how I feel
I’ll love you always
until we see each other face 2 face

Morning Poem 9

I woke up with expectation
I expected to see a message from you
But to my unsurprised there was nothing
Nothing but a few ran done emails
And one follower notification from Instagram
Yet I hold in to faith that you will once again communicate with me
You will finally call and say in sorry and I love you
My wishes may seen far fetched based upon the uncanny circumstances you stopped talking to me
But I believe God is bigger than your unbelief
Off to church I go to give honor to the one who sustains
Good day world
Let’s get this day moving

Before I Slumber 6

Lazy day today and a reflective one at that
I couldn’t resist I had to text you
I apologize if I caused you stress
I miss you and I love you
Nothing too long but just enough
For you to know that I’m thinking of you
No response was given
And I’m ok with that
I just wish could just here you say I’m ok
Shared dinner with my father
Sat on the porch with my homie KeKe
Came home and chatted with business contacts
Now I’m preparing for a shower than off to bed
Good night world
Bon nuit mon roi
Nob nala

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